Warning1: All Tagalog words will not be literally translated into English as it may lose its meaning. Searching for context clues is adviced.

Warning2: Long post ahead. For the easily bored, skip this entry.

_____________ wrote:

just to let it out of my system... ________, i know sawa kana dito..
"what's up with guys not considering girl friends as potential
girlfriends???? lagi nalang ganyan.. guys like the girl but since she's
a good friend.. wag nalang ligawan. grrr... i'm always the "good
friend", hmpf! don't guys know that friendship is the best foundation
for any relationship?? pfft!

wala lang, pang love notes na ata ang mood ko... ;-)

okay guys proceed with your lives.. i just miss you all!!!


______________

Ah! The email that began creating noise in my college block's yahoogroups. After college, our once active yahoogroup, which served as a channel for our reviewers, copied assignments, group works, rantings and ravings, became dormant and would only be active once in awhile, whether to talk about reunions, jeering each other to organize reunions or show up in reunions, upcoming books and movies like HarryPotter and Lord of the Rings, job openings, and to chastise those who didn't go to the reunions.

Once in our life, we are caught in the same situation. We would fall in love (okay, that's too much!), like, a friend who possibly likes us back but is too scared to do something about it for fear of losing the other as a friend or ruining the relationship. As suspected, kindred spirits from my class spoke up too about their heart breaking, frustrating experiences. I had to speak up. And so, I wrote an email, that got lots of responses too:

Dear girlfriends (those- who- are- ranting- about- being- perpetually- just- "girl"- "friends"),

I was once caught in the same situation with A. He told his friends that he liked me but he doesn't know if he should court me because... all together now... "she's a good friend" and "I don't want to ruin our friendship." So what did I do?

Hinalikan ko nga! Eh di na-convince ko rin siya! Wala nang ligaw! Kami na agad!

But seriously, while it is true that friendship is a good foundation for a relationship, it is also really a big risk to get into a relationship with a friend, an especially good friend at that. I know some of our batchmates who were bestfriends for a couple of years and fell in love with the other secretly but didn't want the other to know for fear of ruining the friendship. Everybody told them to get together already but the guy was scared. Eventually, he couldn't hide his feelings anymore because what he felt was too much already that he told her what he felt and they finally got together. I know of another batchmate who got together with her best friend of 6 years but after a 2 year relationship, they broke up. To this day, they don't even speak to each other anymore. I had a friend whom I liked before and I felt he liked me too. I kept hinting and dropping signs that I liked him but he never did anything about it. Just last year, I found out that he didn't court me because he didn't want to ruin the friendship. In fact, he'd rather get into a relationship with an acquaintance than a friend! Ahh! The mysteries of the male mind.

It's not that they don't like you. Eng eng ba sila?! How can they not like you guys? Hindi naman kayo panget! Hindi naman masasama yung ugali niyo? Contrary to the last two statements, in fact! I guess they really are scared of losing you as a friend, of that security with you. Or it could be that they fear rejection because they're not sure of what you feel for them. Are you sure you guys are dropping signs and hinting to them that you like them? But bottomline is, guys can seem macho and tough and egotistic (or is it egoistic? ah, ewan!) but deep inside, they have this fear.

But let's turn the situation around, do you guys also want to get into the relationship with the guys you're talking about? Because you really, really like them and you see him in your future? Or is it for the sake of being in a relationship? Or because you miss having someone in your life? Do you think you can still be friends if it does not work out between you two? Is your friendship so important to you that you would fall apart if at the end, it doesn't work out between you? You'll never know. These questions might lead you to conclude that oo nga, I'd rather keep him na lang as a friend.

So, dear girlfriends, if you really, really like this guy who doesn't want to get into a relationship with you because he fears ruining the friendship, my advice to you is:

(1) be patient
(2) continue being friends as if nothing happened
(3) never EVER think that maybe it's you-- or there is something wrong with you.
(4) be yourself but continue showing him that you are a great person pero wag naman yung over at fake na ha!
(5) slowly accept that maybe it's not meant to be. after all, if God wanted you two together, he would let it happen
(6) don't lose the fighting spirit- pwede mong isipin na pinahihirapan ka lang ni God (you could think that God is giving you a hard time). :p
(7) last but not the least, halikan mo na lang!

Fozzy said that:

ang mga guys nga kasi kelangan ng tulak (kung minsan panulak) o batok (whichever works).

One guy, a well-loved classmate known to be torpe or shy, gave his point of view:

I dunno if I'm helping...
I sorta know a bit about a torpe guy's pov... ehem.

If your friendship is as close as I think it is, I can think of 2 possible reasons why the guy hasn't made a move:

1. He's comfortable with the way things are right now.That doesn't mean he doesn't want to go "Game Ka Na Ba: Next Level"... he's just a little scared to riskthe friendship. Give him a little more time... if he truly has feelings, he'll cave in. I know. Kung hindi,bugbugin natin.

2. He has a hard time understanding messages you'resending him. It's not that your saying/doing anythingwrong... It's just that we guys are a little thick...we're not really sure if you're saying what we thinkyou're saying, or if there is a deeper meaning, orwhatever. It's a bit complicated. Sometimes, maybe ablatant, clear "I like you" sign with large arrows andsirens, might help... If he still doesn't get it,bugbugin pa rin natin.

Another girl looked at it from a different point of view:

Good friends non synonymous with girlfriends? Well, based on experience (ehem ehem), matagal talaga before you can actually see the potential of good friends as boyfriend/girlfriend/lover/date. Once it happens, foundation is rock solid..kaya lang, its almost a now or never, but seemingly taking forever kind of development. No offense to you hunny, you know about this, but c'mon girls, you've had guys rin naman crush on you that you cannot imagine diba? How do you feel towards them? Maybe, just maybe, that with guys, baka talagang mas matagal silang mauntog! HAHAHAH.

And even agreed with me:

Hahahah, tama rin advice ni Cat...halikan niyo nalang. To share a personal experience again on a really good friend turning into more than a friend...T and I were really nothing but best of chums, in a non-showbiz way. When I realized that I was ready to take the jump...and he was being oh-so-slow...I just grabbed him and kissed him. Ang bagal eh!

But I just had to reply to shy guy's email:

Ah!!! Thanks, ______ , for the insight. It was extremely helpful and has added to my somewhat extensive yet still lacking knowledge of men. Allow me to comment on point no. 2.

The problem is, Pinoy guys are:
(1) Torpe-- which is not really a problem. that's how they really are.
(2) Dense-- they cannot read signs and hints... or they're too scared to read between the lines.

The problem is, once again, Pinays are:
(1) Pakipot-- gusto nila silang hinahabol.
(2) "Conservative" (forgive the lack of a proper term)-- they're scared to tell guys CLEARLY that they like them. As in scared to say out loud, "I like you!" because it would seem too forward or unlady-like of them. Now there are some girls who are less conservative. They aren't afraid to drop hints and signs. But then again, how clear are the hints and signs? Are they enough for the guy to pick up the signals?

Now, if you have the following equations:

Torpe guy + Pakipot girl = 0 results
Dense guy + Conservative girl = 0 results + confusion.

Does that make any sense? Do you find yourself in these situations? Yes??? I rest my case.

One friend compared it to a movie and drew the moral of the story from it:

Remember the movie “My Best Friend’s Wedding”? The best friend (Julia Roberts) was put in a “pedestal”. She became this “perfect” girl that is almost too good to be true for the guy. For sure he got scared and didn’t want to lose the friendship that they have, that’s why he settled for someone else (Cameron Diaz). Dang, they always don’t want to lose the friendship thing! (That’s because we’re much better friends than their guy friends. hehehe )But hey, in the movie, if you think about it, Julia was really the one at fault. She should not have agreed with the pact that they made. Dapat pinakasalan na agad niya, wala nang certain age pa na paghihintay. Like Cat said – halikan mo na!!!! Para hindi na mawala. Remember, an opportunity knocks but once. So grab it when you can! And if the relationship doesn’t last, and you guys don’t end up as friends uli, be cool with it. It’s fine. Afterall, MARAMI KA NA NAMANG FRIENDS, right? It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. . . .

And apparently, internationally, women experience the same problem:

How I wish I understood how "love" works in the non-Filipino way. I don't have much experience with Filipinos, much less any other guy. And here, "dating"... is as much a grey area as any other. Akala ko, dahil mas frank and straight to the point sila, mas clear.. pero hindiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.

So yeah, youre naive little college friend here has finally started 'dating'. First time.. haha and it is strange. Loooong story. But in essence, we are FRIENDS. I am the BEST FRIEND. Shiet. And everything is new to me. Hay ang lola mo. Lost in the wilderness.. kaya nga magpapaka-career girl nalang ako.. as always. By the way, I got what I've been wishing for.. he's French. haha.. BUT BUT BUT, we are only friends. friends who date. Whatever that means.

There are many ways to approach this kind of situation. It just depends on your personality and attitude towards it. But I must say to those readers who are caught in this situation to follow your instincts, your heart (or mind- whatever works for you), and to not do what is uncomfortable. It may take guts, it may take a miracle. But one thing is for sure: It will happen if it is meant to be.